Happy Birthday, Baby Holden! We are proud to announce that our precious son entered this world today at 6:46 pm. He weighed in at 7 pounds 1 ounce and is 21 inches long. Not the linebacker everyone predicted (which is fine by Mommy!) but still almost a full pound bigger than Maison. I can’t help but wonder how big he would have been if I had made it the 2.5 more weeks until my due date...
So, here’s how it all went down...
The day started out as I expected. Doc Sams came in at about 6:30 in the morning to break my water and start the Pitocin (from this point forward known as Juice O’ the Devil) drip. Contractions commenced fairly soon after and by about 10:30 I was pretty uncomfortable. I talked to my nurse, Pam, about the epidural. I was worried that it might slow down my labor. Her feelings were that it would not and that it might actually help because it would allow me to relax. So, since the Juice O’ The Devil was getting the best of me and I was having extremely hard back labor, I decided to go ahead and have the epidural. At this point I was seriously wondering how in the world women have “natural” childbirth. If I had only known what was coming.
After lunch I was still hovering around 3 cm and was kind of frustrated. I really wanted to have the baby by lunch time like Doc Sams predicted even though I knew deep down it wasn’t going to happen. At least I was more comfortable and I spent a couple of hours e-mailing friends and chatting on Facebook. Technology sure has advanced at the hospital since Mae was born. We had wifi in the room and it was nice to stay connected with the people that could not be at the hospital.
When I was in labor with Maison, my progression really started after I gacked in a bucket. So the big joke with Holden was that I needed to stick my finger down my throat right after the doc broke my water. I hate to throw up. I mean hate it and even though I wanted to do it because I was hoping it would speed things up, I fought it for a couple of hours. Finally, it got the best of me. But this time it did not help. Pam checked me maybe around 3-ish (Everything is kind of a blur as far as what happened at what time, so I am just guessing here.) She said I was at 5cm.
Shortly after that, I started to feel some tightening across my stomach and my back and I noticed that my feet were cold. Hmmm... Why was I starting to feel my feet again? A little later, I pretty much felt as uncomfortable as I was when I had the epidural, so I buzzed Pam and told her about it. She was kind of hemming and hawing to Mom about it and I finally said, “Look, I’m a big girl... If you think this is just me freaking out, tell me, but I really think my epidural is wearing off.” Pam kind of chuckled and told us that she just thought Holden was trying to come through my pelvic bone and that once he did, I’d feel better. OK. Fine. I’m being a Drama Queen. I’ll shut up now.
More tightening, more intense back pain. I don’t give a rip if Pam or the doctor or the Good Lord Himself thinks I am being a Drama Queen, the fact is I am in pain and that darn epidural is not doing its job. I’m flopping around on the bed like a fish out of water, people. I am not imagining this!!! I asked Pam to check me again... which by the way, she is good about doing this whenever I ask. I remember last time I’d ask and they would tell me not yet. Pam seemed to understand that as much as I did not like her doing it, I wanted to know what the heck was going on! Woo Hoo! 7 cm. But call the anesthesiologist, because I am HURTING!!! He looks at me like I’m nuts when I tell him I can feel my feet and the parts I’m not really wanting to feel, but I can’t feel my legs. Says it doesn’t make sense. Well, I could care less that it doesn’t make sense. Just fix it. He tells me that I have two options. He can put a “boost” in the IV and give me a happy button to push or he can take the epidural out and try to reinsert it. I opted for the boost. I was squirming around so much that I was afraid I would not be able to be still for reinsertion and I did not want to end up paralyzed from the waist down! That fine print on the epidural release form... about possible problems... was flashing before my eyes. He gave me the boost and he and Pam left. I proceed to beat the hell out of the happy button. The happy button was not giving me anything! I buzzed her again. I know she was hating me because I kept hitting that call button, but I was paying a lot of money (well, Aetna was paying) for those drugs and they were not working. I asked her to check me again. Surely if I was 7 before I was 9, maybe pushing 10 now. Pam’s checking me and I’m staring her down with this look that says “You better have good news!” Pam’s facial expression is not good. Pam keeps poking around and had a wrinkle in her brow. Pam looks at me and is scared. I know she does not want to tell me what she has discovered. “You’re back down to 5.” WHAT?!?!?!?!? How in the holy hell do you go backwards?!?!?!? Is that even possible? She says the good news is that he came though my pelvic bone. Which I totally could have told her because I FREAKING FELT IT... But his head was pressing up against my cervix causing it to contract instead of open up. She leaves, I’m ticked. Mom and Trey are pacing the room looking at me like they think my head is about to starting spinning around and fire is going to come out of my mouth. Liz was smart and stayed in the waiting room working her crossword puzzle. I’m groaning like a demon has possessed my body. I hear Trey call his mom and tell her not to bring Maison to the hospital because she can’t see me like this. The pain is so intense, that I am starting to think that Holden is directionally challenged and is trying to make his exit through my navel. I prop up in the bed and growl at Trey “Go. Get. Pam. Don’t push the button, walk down there and drag her back.” He darts out the door. They both get back in the room right as I violently projectile vomit a la the Exorcist. If that did not open the flood gates, nothing is going to. I’m moaning and groaning and telling Pam I don’t care if you just checked me ten minutes ago, do it again! Something is happening and if I’m still at 5 you better get ready because this baby is going to be the first in history pushed out at 5cm. I can tell she is checking just to humor me. But then her facial expression shows that she is surprised. She looks at me and smiles and says the two words I have been waiting to hear all day. You’re ready! She buzzes the nurse’s station and the “Team” sweeps in. Pam says she is going to call Doc Sams and I am thinking there is no way he’s going to make it before I push Holden out of me. Mom is on one side of me and Trey is on the other. They are both tearing up. I’m still flopping like a fish. Doc Sams walks in about 6 seconds after Pam went to call him. Thank God he had come up there to check on me because as much as I wanted him to be the one to catch this kid, I was not planning on waiting for him to drive to the hospital.
I looked up at the gigantic clock hanging over Doc Sams head. All day that thing had been moving at a snail’s pace. It was exactly 6:00. I was instructed to push as each contraction started. Were they ending? I mean it just felt like one constant one to me! Trey was on my right and a nurse was on my left. I had a death grip on Trey’s hand and honestly I did not care if I broke every bone in it. I mean he got me in this mess, right? He needed to pay! I pushed. I pushed some more. Doc’s eyes get wide and he says. “Wow. This baby’s got a big head. Good thing we didn't wait two more weeks.” Seriously. Did he just say that? I look at Trey’s head and am instantly petrified. In a voice I don’t recognize, I growl at Doc Sams, “THAT is not what I need to hear from you right now.” He’s lucky I can’t reach over my big belly because if I could I would have clocked him right in the jaw! I push. I push some more. The voice I don’t recognize shouts “Get. Him. Out. Of. Me!!!!” Doc Sams calmly reminds me that I have to push him out. I not so calmly remind him that I am freaking trying!!!!! I look up at the clock again. 6:45. I muster up every last ounce of everything I have in me and push with all my might. Sams stands up, kicks his little rolling stool out of the way and BAM! There is my gorgeous baby boy. He’s got ten little fingers, ten little toys and one little... well, you know... And all of the sudden, he pees right on me with that little... well, you know... And what does Sams do? He waves him around so the pee is going all over the place and laughs saying “Pee on Mommy, Baby Boy!” I look up at Trey and he is beaming with pride. And then I laugh too because I never would have dreamed that watching my son pee all over me would be one of the two most beautiful things I have ever seen.
So, here’s how it all went down...
The day started out as I expected. Doc Sams came in at about 6:30 in the morning to break my water and start the Pitocin (from this point forward known as Juice O’ the Devil) drip. Contractions commenced fairly soon after and by about 10:30 I was pretty uncomfortable. I talked to my nurse, Pam, about the epidural. I was worried that it might slow down my labor. Her feelings were that it would not and that it might actually help because it would allow me to relax. So, since the Juice O’ The Devil was getting the best of me and I was having extremely hard back labor, I decided to go ahead and have the epidural. At this point I was seriously wondering how in the world women have “natural” childbirth. If I had only known what was coming.
After lunch I was still hovering around 3 cm and was kind of frustrated. I really wanted to have the baby by lunch time like Doc Sams predicted even though I knew deep down it wasn’t going to happen. At least I was more comfortable and I spent a couple of hours e-mailing friends and chatting on Facebook. Technology sure has advanced at the hospital since Mae was born. We had wifi in the room and it was nice to stay connected with the people that could not be at the hospital.
When I was in labor with Maison, my progression really started after I gacked in a bucket. So the big joke with Holden was that I needed to stick my finger down my throat right after the doc broke my water. I hate to throw up. I mean hate it and even though I wanted to do it because I was hoping it would speed things up, I fought it for a couple of hours. Finally, it got the best of me. But this time it did not help. Pam checked me maybe around 3-ish (Everything is kind of a blur as far as what happened at what time, so I am just guessing here.) She said I was at 5cm.
Shortly after that, I started to feel some tightening across my stomach and my back and I noticed that my feet were cold. Hmmm... Why was I starting to feel my feet again? A little later, I pretty much felt as uncomfortable as I was when I had the epidural, so I buzzed Pam and told her about it. She was kind of hemming and hawing to Mom about it and I finally said, “Look, I’m a big girl... If you think this is just me freaking out, tell me, but I really think my epidural is wearing off.” Pam kind of chuckled and told us that she just thought Holden was trying to come through my pelvic bone and that once he did, I’d feel better. OK. Fine. I’m being a Drama Queen. I’ll shut up now.
More tightening, more intense back pain. I don’t give a rip if Pam or the doctor or the Good Lord Himself thinks I am being a Drama Queen, the fact is I am in pain and that darn epidural is not doing its job. I’m flopping around on the bed like a fish out of water, people. I am not imagining this!!! I asked Pam to check me again... which by the way, she is good about doing this whenever I ask. I remember last time I’d ask and they would tell me not yet. Pam seemed to understand that as much as I did not like her doing it, I wanted to know what the heck was going on! Woo Hoo! 7 cm. But call the anesthesiologist, because I am HURTING!!! He looks at me like I’m nuts when I tell him I can feel my feet and the parts I’m not really wanting to feel, but I can’t feel my legs. Says it doesn’t make sense. Well, I could care less that it doesn’t make sense. Just fix it. He tells me that I have two options. He can put a “boost” in the IV and give me a happy button to push or he can take the epidural out and try to reinsert it. I opted for the boost. I was squirming around so much that I was afraid I would not be able to be still for reinsertion and I did not want to end up paralyzed from the waist down! That fine print on the epidural release form... about possible problems... was flashing before my eyes. He gave me the boost and he and Pam left. I proceed to beat the hell out of the happy button. The happy button was not giving me anything! I buzzed her again. I know she was hating me because I kept hitting that call button, but I was paying a lot of money (well, Aetna was paying) for those drugs and they were not working. I asked her to check me again. Surely if I was 7 before I was 9, maybe pushing 10 now. Pam’s checking me and I’m staring her down with this look that says “You better have good news!” Pam’s facial expression is not good. Pam keeps poking around and had a wrinkle in her brow. Pam looks at me and is scared. I know she does not want to tell me what she has discovered. “You’re back down to 5.” WHAT?!?!?!?!? How in the holy hell do you go backwards?!?!?!? Is that even possible? She says the good news is that he came though my pelvic bone. Which I totally could have told her because I FREAKING FELT IT... But his head was pressing up against my cervix causing it to contract instead of open up. She leaves, I’m ticked. Mom and Trey are pacing the room looking at me like they think my head is about to starting spinning around and fire is going to come out of my mouth. Liz was smart and stayed in the waiting room working her crossword puzzle. I’m groaning like a demon has possessed my body. I hear Trey call his mom and tell her not to bring Maison to the hospital because she can’t see me like this. The pain is so intense, that I am starting to think that Holden is directionally challenged and is trying to make his exit through my navel. I prop up in the bed and growl at Trey “Go. Get. Pam. Don’t push the button, walk down there and drag her back.” He darts out the door. They both get back in the room right as I violently projectile vomit a la the Exorcist. If that did not open the flood gates, nothing is going to. I’m moaning and groaning and telling Pam I don’t care if you just checked me ten minutes ago, do it again! Something is happening and if I’m still at 5 you better get ready because this baby is going to be the first in history pushed out at 5cm. I can tell she is checking just to humor me. But then her facial expression shows that she is surprised. She looks at me and smiles and says the two words I have been waiting to hear all day. You’re ready! She buzzes the nurse’s station and the “Team” sweeps in. Pam says she is going to call Doc Sams and I am thinking there is no way he’s going to make it before I push Holden out of me. Mom is on one side of me and Trey is on the other. They are both tearing up. I’m still flopping like a fish. Doc Sams walks in about 6 seconds after Pam went to call him. Thank God he had come up there to check on me because as much as I wanted him to be the one to catch this kid, I was not planning on waiting for him to drive to the hospital.
I looked up at the gigantic clock hanging over Doc Sams head. All day that thing had been moving at a snail’s pace. It was exactly 6:00. I was instructed to push as each contraction started. Were they ending? I mean it just felt like one constant one to me! Trey was on my right and a nurse was on my left. I had a death grip on Trey’s hand and honestly I did not care if I broke every bone in it. I mean he got me in this mess, right? He needed to pay! I pushed. I pushed some more. Doc’s eyes get wide and he says. “Wow. This baby’s got a big head. Good thing we didn't wait two more weeks.” Seriously. Did he just say that? I look at Trey’s head and am instantly petrified. In a voice I don’t recognize, I growl at Doc Sams, “THAT is not what I need to hear from you right now.” He’s lucky I can’t reach over my big belly because if I could I would have clocked him right in the jaw! I push. I push some more. The voice I don’t recognize shouts “Get. Him. Out. Of. Me!!!!” Doc Sams calmly reminds me that I have to push him out. I not so calmly remind him that I am freaking trying!!!!! I look up at the clock again. 6:45. I muster up every last ounce of everything I have in me and push with all my might. Sams stands up, kicks his little rolling stool out of the way and BAM! There is my gorgeous baby boy. He’s got ten little fingers, ten little toys and one little... well, you know... And all of the sudden, he pees right on me with that little... well, you know... And what does Sams do? He waves him around so the pee is going all over the place and laughs saying “Pee on Mommy, Baby Boy!” I look up at Trey and he is beaming with pride. And then I laugh too because I never would have dreamed that watching my son pee all over me would be one of the two most beautiful things I have ever seen.
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